Back to Iraq
Any time I hear something about the Bush administration, I think about my father. He was supposed to ship out for his second 45 day tour of Iraq on April 28th. About an hour ago, I got a call from my step mother; his orders have changed. He’ll be leaving April 2nd instead, and for up to 80 days. I’m taking Friday afternoon off to go to Houston and say goodbye.
In the back of my mind, I can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. Last time he went, nobody made it a big deal. There were no hastily scheduled weekends with the family, no flat voiced phone calls. I wonder what I’m not being told.
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Woof
So, I got this dog. He is a rottweiler/terrier mix named Titus, and because of him, I’ve had more exercise (and kisses) in the last three days than I’ve had all year.
I love this dog so much.
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Lost
Leaving D-tt’s pad last night, I make a right on the wrong street and ended up at a highway 2 miles away from where I needed to go. Once I realized this, I made a u-turn and got going in the right direction. Driving by the various streets, it dawned on me that I didn’t recall passing any of them. None. My memory from leaving the parking lot to hitting the highway was a total blank. Five minutes gone.
Not the first time it’s happened by far, though it never does stop scaring me.
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Making nice
D-tt set the smoke alarm off twice Friday night before I finally got sick of his burning of the chicken and dumped a half a cup of white wine into the pan. Rather than coming out chewy and burnt, it was tender and tasty and I, of course, took all the credit. He seemed impressed at my skills in the kitchen, but I assured him it was only one of very few things I know how to do, so don’t get too excited.
My A called a few days ago about me picking up a piece of furniture from IKEA. I agreed to, so Saturday found me having a panic attack in the middle of Housewares and Bedding. All that sweating was for naught however, as they were out of the color he wanted. I bought some jeans and two shirts waiting for him to come home from work, and we had sushi for dinner and watched Tideland afterwards.
That movie? Holy shit. As the credits rolled, he and I just sat there quietly. I cleared my throat and started to get up when A said, sounding surprised, “I don’t think I liked that movie very much.” I didn’t like it either, but boy I loved it. It was amazing, brilliant, you’ve just got to see it but leave your judgments at the door or you’ll never get past the ten minute mark.
My A and I are working on this friendship thing, and it’s becoming quite comfortable. I was afraid I would go all squishy and soft when I saw him, but we had a lot of fun. It is just like when he and I first met, before all that relationship stuff got in the way. Either I am over him completely, or I care about D-tt more than I though. Both are a little scary.
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No Apple; not yours.
I miss my carefree youth, when I could do as I pleased with no real consequences. You know, things like buying a new computer without worrying that my shoe heel will break or I’ll drive into a wall. Those days are long gone; this is the real world. And so, rather than getting what I have worked so hard for (that’d be a shiny new computer) I will instead spend my hard earned, hard saved cash on necessities: new glasses; an oil change and a transmission flush; bookcases.
I did manage to buy a new black corset though, so I guess it’s not all boring chores.
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Tideland
Terry Gilliam was on NPR this morning talking about the poorly received Tideland, which comes out on DVD today. I didn’t have the chance to catch it during it’s very short theatre release, where it was cut up by the critics, but I’m excited to see it now. By next week it ought to be in my eager hands. Gilliam is one of those directors that I’d follow anywhere, much like Cronenburg and Burton. Even when they’re bad, they’re still so good.
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Who am I again?
My days are getting all discombobulated. This feels like a Wednesday maybe, not a Friday. Definitely not a Friday. I don’t know up from down, it seems. I guess it started last weekend? I hope it doesn’t get worse. Sometimes I have a bad bout of shit, I forget! and it’ll last for days. I get lost, forget names, burn food and misplace vital life items like cell phones and keys and eyeliner. Once I put the milk in the cupboard and didn’t realize it until 2 weeks later.
I called A about the blanket last night, since he said he needed it by Saturday. He snapped at me for forgetting he had training. No, he would not come get it; no he did not know when he would have the time to pick it up. Oooh right, now I remember why I was so miserable with him. I see his Christmas gift hanging in my window and sometimes it’s easy to daydream about the eight good times we had together.
Luckily, D-tt wasn’t feeling well (not that that’s a good thing, but you know) so I came over and we ate pizza and watched House. That cheered me right up! Kisses and hugs! I got home around ten, slept great, woke up fine, got to work early but damn am I in a shit mood. Maybe I can convince D-tt that he wants to see me again tonight. If not, it’s House, M.D. Season 2 Disc 5 for me. Lots of tea and sleeping alone.
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No dice.
My A called today, sweetly asking about his blankets. He needs one by this weekend. Guess what I’m doing tonight? We chatted for almost a half hour, me leaning back on my desk, wiping the sweat from my palms every five minutes. He casually reminded me what a handful I am; he couldn’t handle me, not off my meds.
I know your mind is clear now and you’re happier or whatever but your emotions… they’re just… I mean, no way.
I got on medication to appease him. I got off it so I could change from that subservient robot into myself again. I clearly remember looking at myself in the mirror last year, after getting back with him for the 40th time. As much as I tried, I couldn’t recognize myself. It wasn’t me. It may have taken me two years to learn that nobody is worth changing for, but I know it now. If you won’t stand by me when I actually need you, when I’m going crazy or breaking down… well, why would I want you at all? I’m doing so much better now, not that he’ll ever know, even without the pill cocktail.
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Blair to Bush: peace out.
On Wednesday the Sun newspaper reported that the first British troops would return home “within weeks” and said that 3,000 will follow by the end of the year. The Guardian and The Sun reported that all British forces would leave Iraq by the end of 2008.
Meanwhile, the US is still wanting to send in more troops? Even though “the president views this as a success.”? [Source] And we’re getting the old f-you from Denmark as well. Even Iran is like, whatever.
Welcome to the beginning of the end.
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